Hey, you! Reagan Democrat over there! You're a woman, right? You look like a woman, but kids these days keep their hair pretty long ... heh, heh ... and I see freckles. Irish? You're Irish? Yeah, I bet you're a Catholic. And I must say that hair dye's keeping you youthful-looking.
Anyway, my pollsters tell me you're excited about voting for a member of your own generation. And you thought it was cool that a woman got so far in this year's Democratic primaries.
So I've got a deal for you: a woman on my ticket! And she's only 44!
What? What's that you say? She has no meaningful policy experience? Oh, come on. She was mayor of Wasilla. Wasilla has almost 8,500 people in it. It's bigger than the town YOU live in, isn't it? And she's been governor of Alaska since - uh - 2007. And she's only had one independent investigation launched against her so far!
But this is the great part -- she's pro-life! She's so pro-life she has FIVE children -- and the last one's only four months old! And he has Down syndrome! And she's going to make him a prop in a nationwide campaign, isn't that cool?? Her teenage daughters are bound to be psyched about all this, too, and her seven-year-old will love that big house on Observatory Circle.
I know you'll be as pleased as I am about my choice of the most qualified woman I could find to join me in this quest for the Presidency. Don't think about the fact that I'm 72; it's not as if Governor Palin would ever have to run things herself. She's just here to look pretty. Did I mention she was almost Miss Alaska?