Thursday, April 01, 2010

Five Things I Would Buy if I Had a Million Dollars

It's April Fools Day, and I am more distracted than usual. I'm not a big fan of practical jokes, but I do fully endorse the annual offerings of those crazy geniuses at ThinkGeek. I am still waiting for the Squeez Bacon I ordered from them last April 1 . . . seriously, how great would that be?

Anyway, today is also the day the rich and lucky people of this planet get their first iPads. I am not, as a rule, a gadget person; I was late to the iPod, still have a cassette player in my car (!), and am the last person in America with a cell phone that can't take pictures.

But I want an iPad. I have gadget lust for the iPad in a way I've never felt about anything, not even my first new car. I want one. I want to hug it and pet it and squeeze it and call it George. I don't even know what I would do with it; I already feel overwhelmed by power cords and carrying cases and electromagnetic pulses. I just want one. Well played, Apple mind control technicians.

Here are five things I'd buy if I had a million dollars. Since it's in our heads anyway, go ahead and play this video while you read, and tell me what you'd spend a million dollars on.

1. An iPad. Obviously.

2. Leather furniture. I have no moral compunction against leather. It is resistant to pet hair and odor, it looks nice, and it's comfortable. I'd want a recliner, too. And yes, since you mention it, an ottoman.

3. A cottage by the water. Not a big house, because I wouldn't want to clean it. Four rooms and a usable attic (for my office) would suit me just fine.

4. An orange tree. I'd like to have a tree in my house. I'd like it to bear fruit. That would be handy. It really wouldn't suit my current apartment, but if I bought a little cottage, I could decorate around the tree. A peach tree would work just as well, but I suspect they're more fragile.

5. Night-vision goggles. I need some, but the kind they sell to civilians are a feeble imitation of the ones they use in combat. If I had a million dollars, I could afford some real ones.


Tom Ehrenfeld said...

I'd buy TWO iPads.

AnswerGirl said...

One for me, right? Right??

Anonymous said...

Forty-nine thousand nine hundred $20 lottery scratch-off tickets. I'd use the remaining two grand to pay someone else to scratch the tickets.

Either that or I'd buy a pony. And a boat. So I could ride my pony on my boat.

-- Ed

Tom Ehrenfeld said...

Of course one for you! I might even have money left over, right? Cause then I'd buy another iPad.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you Clair... I would get the mother of all recliners.

I'd also have a house with a screened-in second-floor sleeping porch.

Oh, and plastic surgery. Yeah - I said it.

Trips to Italy and Ireland.

iPads for evryone! :)

AnswerGirl said...

At $500 apiece, we could buy 2,000 iPads with a million dollars. That's almost enough for our whole family!

Anonymous said...

Only 2,000 iPads?

A million doesn't go as far as you'd think.

Maybe a house with a tower. . .,+Gardiner,+Kennebec,+Maine+04345&ll=44.23247,-69.778453&spn=0.000996,0.001725&t=h&z=19&layer=c&cbll=44.232494,-69.778572&panoid=EobQbDlyvk98J-eL5ilZJA&cbp=12,346.4,,0,-15.44

- Joe

AnswerGirl said...

I know that house! It's for sale? I really should buy a lottery ticket when I get home.

Anonymous said...

I'd just always thought it and one on Washington Ave. in Gardiner always looked interesting.

The one in link is a seemingly increasingly rundown multi-unit now.

I don't know if it is for sale or not.