It's April Fools Day, and I am more distracted than usual. I'm not a big fan of practical jokes, but I do fully endorse the annual offerings of those crazy geniuses at ThinkGeek. I am still waiting for the Squeez Bacon I ordered from them last April 1 . . . seriously, how great would that be?
Anyway, today is also the day the rich and lucky people of this planet get their first iPads. I am not, as a rule, a gadget person; I was late to the iPod, still have a cassette player in my car (!), and am the last person in America with a cell phone that can't take pictures.
But I want an iPad. I have gadget lust for the iPad in a way I've never felt about anything, not even my first new car. I want one. I want to hug it and pet it and squeeze it and call it George. I don't even know what I would do with it; I already feel overwhelmed by power cords and carrying cases and electromagnetic pulses. I just want one. Well played, Apple mind control technicians.
Here are five things I'd buy if I had a million dollars. Since it's in our heads anyway, go ahead and play this video while you read, and tell me what you'd spend a million dollars on.
1. An iPad. Obviously.
2. Leather furniture. I have no moral compunction against leather. It is resistant to pet hair and odor, it looks nice, and it's comfortable. I'd want a recliner, too. And yes, since you mention it, an ottoman.
3. A cottage by the water. Not a big house, because I wouldn't want to clean it. Four rooms and a usable attic (for my office) would suit me just fine.
4. An orange tree. I'd like to have a tree in my house. I'd like it to bear fruit. That would be handy. It really wouldn't suit my current apartment, but if I bought a little cottage, I could decorate around the tree. A peach tree would work just as well, but I suspect they're more fragile.
5. Night-vision goggles. I need some, but the kind they sell to civilians are a feeble imitation of the ones they use in combat. If I had a million dollars, I could afford some real ones.