Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"I need to laugh, and when the sun is out/I've got something I can laugh about."

The Song: "Good Day Sunshine," The Beatles. Words & music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Side Two, Track 1 of Revolver, 1966.
When/how acquired: Gift LP, c. 1979.
Listen/watch here. (Also check out this truly odd cultural artifact, an episode of "The Beatles" cartoon series based on the song. No, those are obviously not The Beatles' own voices.)

The sun is out this morning for the first time in almost two weeks. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes not only to my mood, but to Dizzy's as well. Things that felt overwhelming last week feel like minor hassles, even the fact that my car's Check Engine light is on AGAIN.

My relationship with my car has become dysfunctional. I love my car. It's been with me for 11 years now, and it has more than 140,000 miles on it. It's paid for, and costs almost nothing to register or insure. I don't know how much longer I'll be driving; eventually, as my field of vision continues to narrow, I'll have to quit. I want/need/expect this car to be the last one I own.

But I admit that I need to sit down with someone who can be objective, and figure out just how much I can keep putting into its repairs. The idea of buying anything new (it wouldn't be new, it would be gently used) fills me with despair. This, I understand, is why people stay in jobs and relationships of all kinds well past the point they should leave. And this is also why I find myself making excuses for the car, and keeping secrets on its behalf, to avoid having these conversations with people who would take my side over the car's.

The car, I understand, has no feelings in this matter.

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