I don't know where I'm going to find an assistant stage manager.

I wasn't supposed to be the Production Stage Manager for this show, and I don't mind admitting it. I mean, I do theater as a hobby, and almost all of the other people involved in this production are seasoned professionals.

Assistant stage manager, that was my original title. It was going to be great; I had no problem doing whatever grunt work needed to be done, in exchange for a laughable stipend and the opportunity to learn the real job from a professional.

But understudies are part of life in the theater, and when the original PSM got a real job (with a show that was not part of a festival), I got promoted. And so far, it's been great. I'm having the time of my life, learning things at an astonishing rate, and managing to keep up with it all pretty well so far (check back about this in three weeks).

The problem is, though, that I did not have an understudy, and theater has no 25th Amendment. The 25th Amendment, remember, is the one that allows for the appointment of a new Vice President after the Vice President resigns or dies in office, and revises the succession to the Presidency if the President resigns or dies. We didn't need it until Spiro Agnew resigned in the middle of the Watergate scandal, throwing everything into chaos.

But I digress. We don't currently have an assistant stage manager, and we need one. We need one now, during rehearsals, but we can't do without one during performances; someone has to be backstage to oversee scene changes and props and wardrobe, and as someone recently said to me, "You can't leave actors on their own backstage." (That's not meant as an insult -- not really -- it's just that actors need to focus on their performances during a show, and it needs to be someone else's job to worry about everything else.)

So if you know anyone in New York who'd like an adventure in the theater, send him or her my way. At this point, no experience is necessary, just a good attitude and some decent organizational skills. On-the-job training guaranteed.