"That what you fear the most could meet you halfway."

The Song: "Crazy Mary," Pearl Jam. Words & music by Victoria Williams. Track 3 of Sweet Relief, 1993.
When/how acquired: Purchased cassette, 1993
Listen/watch here.

It's obvious to me that we attract what we fear, though it's a dynamic I don't pretend to understand. I'm a hypochondriac (most writers are, if they'll admit it) who never goes to the doctor because I'm afraid of what I might find out, which means that if something really were wrong with me I probably wouldn't know about it until it was too late to do much. See how that works?

Not so with Dizzy, however. I am vigilant about Dizzy's health and changes in his behavior, which is why we went to the vet this morning. He's been slowing down considerably over the past few months, as his age catches up with him. I read in a book last week that 11-year-old dogs his size (about 75 lbs.) are about as old as humans in their mid-70s. He gets confused sometimes, and his sleeping and eating patterns have changed. I know he doesn't see as well as he used to, especially at night (though I don't, either).

The other day I noticed his ear was infected, and this morning he threw up and wouldn't eat his breakfast. Off to the vet we went, so that they could tell me he has an ear infection but is otherwise pretty healthy for a dog of his age. He has cataracts, and he needs some oral surgery to remove a growth on his gum, but otherwise, he's doing okay.

I have said before in this space that Dizzy makes the whole structure of my life possible. Without him I would be too weird, too lonely, too idle, too isolated. He needs to hang in there for as long as he can.