“You can't relate to other people, so you fill your life with stuff...”

The Movie: Ghost World, 2000 (Daniel Clowes and Terry Zwigoff, screenwriters, based on the comic book by Daniel Clowes; Terry Zwigoff, dir.)
Who says it: Steve Buscemi as Seymour, a depressed collector of jazz records
The context: Seymour is warning Enid (Thora Birch) against admiring his collection.
How to use it: To keep yourself from becoming a Collector.

When Buckingham Palace announced that the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles would be postponed because of the Pope's funeral, Anna said, "Wow, I wonder what they'll do with all the memorabilia." Somewhere, she says, she still has some commemorative items she bought for Prince Charles's first wedding.

Turns out, she wasn't the only one wondering. Last night's newscast reported that merchants are scrambling to replace the "Charles and Camilla, April 8, 2005" plates and tea towels with new ones showing the revised date -- and junk with the original date is suddenly very collectible.

I would turn up my nose at all of this, except that I saw an article in the news the other day about a souvenir I must have -- a replica, in sterling silver and cubic zirconia, of Camilla's engagement ring, available exclusively through the ASDA grocery chain after April 9. It's a crazy bargain, at only ₤19.

I don't even wear rings, because they interfere with my typing, but I absolutely love the idea of wearing a big tacky piece of glass on my finger and being able to say, "Yes, it's just like Camilla's." Is that wrong?

Because really, who doesn't want to identify with a 60-ish adulteress who publicly humiliated the most popular woman in modern British history?

Oh, and if anyone wants to get this for me, my ring size is 7½.