“I’m too old for this *@#$!”

The Movie: Lethal Weapon, 1987 (Shane Black, screenwriter; Richard Donner, dir.); also, Lethal Weapons 2, 3 and 4. Why mess with a good catchphrase?
Who says it: Danny Glover as LAPD Sergeant Roger Murtaugh
The context: Murtaugh’s new partner, Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson), gets him into harm’s way a little too often.
How to use it: Aggravations past the age of 35 or so.

Have I mentioned that I'm turning 40 this year? Oh, I have? It doesn't bother me. No, really. Turning 25, for some reason, bothered me. Turning 29 bothered me. Turning 30 bothered me not at all, and the prospect of 40 feels almost like a relief. Maybe I'll quit coloring my hair, and let the gray hairs that first surfaced at 16 have their way.

The age-related indignities have already begun, though. I went to the eye doctor yesterday, and left with my first prescription for -- arrgh -- bifocals.

It wasn't a surprise. I've been able to go without my glasses or contacts for most of the past year, because my mild myopia had reached a delicate equilibrium with adult-onset farsightedness. My eye doctor had warned me, though, that this wouldn't last long, and that the next stop would be bifocals.

So here we are. I have a new pair of contact lenses, and a pair of reading glasses to go with them. The bifocals arrive next week; thank goodness, they're progressive lenses, without the visible line, so I don't have to feel too humiliated.

I will store them in my bathroom medicine cabinet, right next to the Oil of Olay Regenerist Daily Regenerating Serum. Which, by the way, does not seem to be working. Maybe I'm not supposed to be drinking it.