Monday, May 16, 2005

“I want you to be nice -- until it’s time to not be nice.”

The Movie: Road House, 1989 (David Lee Henry and Hilary Henkin, screenwriters; Rowdy Herrington, dir.)
Who says it: Patrick Swayze as Dalton, a bouncer with a philosophy degree
The context: Dalton trains his employees in the Way of the Zen Bouncer.
How to use it: I think this would be good for kindergarten teachers. This is probably why I don’t teach kindergarten.

My brothers have been recommending this line to me for a while, but I couldn't use it, because I hadn't seen the movie. Since Road House shows at some hour of every day on either TBS or Spike TV, it was just a matter of time... but really, guys. This movie killed brain cells that will never regenerate. It is the stupidest thing I've ever seen, and I watched most of the Clinton impeachment hearings. I don't even know how you're going to atone for making me watch this thing.

Anna and I went up to Waterville last week for the LL Bean warehouse sale. I was hoping to get some furniture for my deck, but even at 30% off, I think I can do better at Reny's. (Besides, it seems wrong to spend more on outdoor furniture than I've spent on my indoor furniture, but that's another issue.)

It's just as well that I didn't get any furniture, because it started raining again yesterday, and it's supposed to rain all week. If I wait for it to stop raining, I might never get any furniture out at all.


Anonymous said...

I apologize for nothing, least of for taking "Be nice ... until it's time to not be nice' as my personal and professional mantra.

I am an editor and a bouncer (; ignore most of the reader reviews, which for some reason are mostly related to a hotel-lobby dance club called RED). I can't always be nice while practicing either vocation. These words of wisdom from Dalton help me draw important boundaries.

Plus, how can anyone not enjoy this movie? It's got everything a guy could want: extreme violence, a smoking hot chick, a blind blues musician, Sam Elliot, and, at the very end, a fat man trapped under a stuffed bear. Women must be from Venus, because even Martians would want to watch this fine film the 60-some-odd times I have.


AnswerGirl said...

The Raven "Grill"? The Raven serves FOOD?

Anonymous said...

The Raven is a grill in name only. The last meal was served from the establishment's kitchen about 20 years ago. Patrons are welcome to bring their own food, though.

It also seems worth mentioning that the Cocktails promised in neon cannot actually be had in liquid form. The Raven stocks exactly nine types of liquor -- including Jagermeister and Rumpleminze for the gormands in the crowd -- and none of those liquors have names like triple sec.

Two apt slogans for the bar would be "If you want it, we don't have it" and "Welcome to the Raven. You're banned."

Stop on by if you're ever in the neighborhood. Tell 'em Dalton sent ya.

tod goldberg said...

Roadhouse is a goddamned American classic. However, if you only quote one movie starring Patrick Swayze that isn't Dirty Dancing or Ghost, let it be Red Dawn. Here's an example:

Context: To be used when Pinko Commie Bastard Paratroopers land in your small Midwestern town and you gotta...Take...Them...Down!

God, I loved the Cold War.